Today was weird. There are a lot of things on my mind; it’s been a “worrying day,” as I have come to call them. This morning started out great: I taught myself how to make seamless patterns in Photoshop and came up with this colorful explosion:
Then tonight was kind of downhill. I applied for some bartending jobs (I used to be a bartender and actually love doing it) because the worrying was so bad. I have an interview on Tuesday. I do not want to take another dead-end job and can’t help but feel like I’m failing, which is so stupid. It’s such a strange feeling… like one part of me is saying NO! KEEP GOING! And the other part of me is saying to be realistic and reminding me that I cannot pay my rent in artwork when it is due in five days.
So Day 3’s work… I’m honestly not that overjoyed with. Maybe someday it will come to represent inner struggle or something deep like that. But right now, to me, it just looks kind of dead. I was messing around with some paint and paper this morning while I was on the phone, just for fun. So I used that, then cut out some mushrooms I drew this morning to practice patterns with. Somehow the whole thing just looks sad to me.
I’m not a big believer in “bad days.” Bad things can happen on any given day but when you go to bed at night, you are ultimately the one who decides the day was bad. Today was not my favorite day, but I refuse to categorize it as being bad… which is not always easy, but it’s always possible. I mean there are still four days until Tuesday. Something amazing couple happen in between now and then and I won’t have to go to my job interview and my worrying days will all but disappear.
It’s only Day 3 and this project is already making me do a lot of thinking.