Since I’ve done nothing but ramble about job-quitting and art-making and life-loving lately, here is a completely art-unrelated post in honor of the amazing upcoming holiday that is Halloween. I am afraid of an unusual amount of things and still sleep with my hallway light on. A total scaredy cat for lack of a better term. In random order, these things are SCARY:
WHAT IS THAT THING? Thanks to my awesome brothers, who shared this urban legend/possible terrifying reality with me over dinner a few months ago, I now no longer look at trees at night in the same way. Slenderman supposedly has no face, is very tall and thin, and has multiple creeptastic dangly arms. He is pretty much the original photo bomber. Go ahead, Google image search him. Supposedly the more you are afraid of him the more he stalks you. Great news for me.
Oh my lord one time when I was 11 I was swimming at this pool. I remember playing around when this giant grasshopper flew in out of nowhere and landed directly on top of my head. Okay, I have about 20 lbs of thick, wild, curly hair. I remember going under water again and again and again and every time the grasshopper got even more stuck. I remember the way his legs felt jumping against my head, trying to get away. I hate grasshoppers. No insect should be allowed to travel that far that fast if I do not have some sort of force field I can activate against them.
Please don’t judge me, but I cannot board an airplane unless I have had at least three glasses of wine. Or three shots of tequila. It does not matter what time my flight leaves. 7am? No problem. Bloody Marys are good any time of day. I cannot pinpoint when this fear started, but I know that nowadays it’s overwhelming. Ask me about when I flew to China. 14 1/2 hour flight DIRECTLY OVER THE TOP OF THE NORTH POLE. Every bump any plane I am on hits, in my mind, is an obvious sign the plane is about to crash. It’s terrible. It’s annoying. I love traveling. Of all my fears, this is the one I would pay money to get over. The world looks BEAUTIFUL from 36,000 feet, yet I cannot appreciate it because I feel like we could plummet to the ground at any moment.
Such a typical fear, I know. When I find spiders in my apartment I suck them up in my mini Shop Vac, then duct tape over the end of the hose so they can’t climb out. Squashing them requires too much closeness and a possible tactile feeling. No thank you.
So I grew up in Syracuse, New York. We had snow, not tornadoes. Then we moved to Ohio. They have tornadoes. Yet people here are so used to tornado warnings that you can be in the grocery store when the tornado sirens are blaring (SCARIEST SOUND EVER) and all people are worried about is which aisle the peanut butter is in. Me? As soon as I hear the sirens I grab my cats and a bottle of wine and hole up in the bathtub, obsessively checking the weather on my iPhone until the only sound I can hear is my heart beating out of my chest. LAME.
6) The monster from Pan’s Labyrinth.
What mentally disturbed person thought of this thing? First of all, Pan’s Labyrinth is an amazing movie and I highly recommend it. Whenever this scene starts, go pop some popcorn. Watch it in the microwave to be sure it doesn’t burn. Whatever you do, do not watch this thing. It eats children and it’s eyeballs are in the palm of its hands. Seriously? No. Sick.
Oh yes. I believe in life on other planets. Ever seen the movie Fire In the Sky? If not, DON’T. I don’t remember how, but when I was maybe 7 or 8, I was exposed to this horrific piece of cinema that is about a guy who gets abducted by aliens. If I were given the chance to offer one piece of advice to people, it very well might be, “Do not watch Fire In the Sky.” It scarred me for life. I believe other life is out there and just hope that it is friendly.
8) The Mothman/The Mothman Prophecies
Any movie that is this scary and based on a true story? No way. Why did I watch that? I honestly was afraid to look out of ANY window at night for MONTHS. Why am I such a baby???
9) Coming in contact with a bear.
Don’t laugh! I love taking hikes and roadtripping solo with my camera… yet there is always this creeping thought in the back of my mind: what if I see a bear? Once again I blame this on childhood; I loved reading my parents monthly copy of Reader’s Digest cover to cover starting when I was maybe only seven. Do you know how many true stories they had in there about bear attacks? A LOT. I had reoccurring dreams when I was little about seeing a bear on my friend’s driveway. Bears are scary and big and I only want to see them in zoos.
10) Ghosts/Spirits/the Supernatural
I have a fascination with the unknown and unexplained… I just think it’s a really cool thought that there may be a lot of things that we don’t quite understand yet. Do I believe in “ghosts?” I don’t know. But I do think some weird things happen that we don’t know the explanation for just yet. Recommended show? A Haunting. But don’t watch it at night. I LOVE the idea of the unexplained…. but I have an irrational fear of buying an old Victorian house (my dream) and it being haunted.
Yes, I am a freak/baby/wuss/pansy/WHATEVER. I am scared of a lot of weird things, but that’s just how it is. Sometimes it’s fun to be scared. A bunch of my friends are visiting from Colorado at the end of October and we are going to one of the scariest haunted houses in the country… that should be interesting. The sad thing is that I could list at least ten more things that creep me out! Ahh… I love Halloween