There are about a million things running through my mind right now. Sometimes I get worried about writing things that will offend people in the future and burn down bridges in one fell swoop. Right now, I don’t care. Truth be told, I am 100% miserable in my work situation. In fact, I have never disliked a job so much in my life, and that includes the brief stint of cleaning houses I did in college. Five days a week, I am surrounded by people who only seem to care about money, material things, bragging about who they hang out with, bragging about who they know, and talking about working out. My lord, I have never heard people talk about working out so much in my life. These people judge other people, make fun of other people’s families, make fun of complete strangers. It is honestly disgusting. Like I am getting tears in my eyes right now just thinking about how I do not want to be around this for five more minutes, let alone eight hours a day five days a week.
I know what my dream is. I haven’t shared it with that many people, because it seems like everyone I share it with just laughs at me and says, “Yeah right. Like that will happen.” My dream is to make a living doing what I love, and that is making, sharing, selling art. I’ve never even been able to talk to my parents about this, because they are completely in the jobs-are-supposed-to-suck-and-you-are-supposed-to-hate-them-forever mindset. And I’m not. I’m not at all. So for the past year, I have turned to the internet, finding friendship with other creative people. Surrounding myself with creative souls who do what they love for a living. I love following the big-name people who have really made it work, on Flickr, Instagram, reading their blogs… Integrating their inspiration in my life in every possible way.
Today has been one of those days where things that normally get to me are getting to me insanely more than usual. Please excuse my language, but today I am just tired of listening to people kissing the asses of people who have money and “status.” I use that term loosely, because the city they have “status” in is a small town in Ohio. Anyone outside of a 60 mile radius has never even heard of it. A few months ago, I signed up to get inspirational emails from Andrea Schroeder’s Creative Magic Academy. The subject of today’s email was “Do It Anyway.” I almost felt like this was written just for me, for this moment right now. As I read it, I had to hide behind my computer screen as tears pricked my eyes. Andrea wrote about sitting on her favorite beach and knowing that her dreams are so so much stronger than her doubts and critics. She made the paper doll pictured above and actually carried it with her to the beach. Written on her, the words, “Do It Anyway.”
I don’t even know why I’m getting so emotional about this. Like I’ve reached a turning point or something. All my life I’ve pretty much been “doing it anyway.” I wanted to major in art in college: everyone said that was stupid. Did it anyway. I wanted to study in China: everyone said it was impossible. Did it anyway. Wanted to go to Europe for spring break my last year in college: everyone said I couldn’t afford it. Did it anyway. I wanted to hang out, decompress, and be a bartender after college: everyone said that wasn’t a “real job.” Did it anyway, made a ton of money, had a ton of fun, met a ton of amazing people.
Everyone said I should get a “real job,” M-F, 9-5, benefits, office, stability. So I listened. And I have never been more unhappy. Why I listened I don’t know. Maybe because learning the hard way sometimes makes you realize exactly what you are after. I feel like I am on the verge of the most important “Do It Anyway” of my life. I want to travel, I want to meet people, I want to make things, I want to be one of those inspirational people that just shines, you know? Life has so so so much to offer and I want to take it all and give it back 1000 times over. I almost want more people to tell me that I can’t, so I can show them that they are wrong and that this is my dream and that I’m going to do it anyway.