I think this is my third, fourth, fifth, twentieth attempt at an art blog. At least.
I believe in signs. I really do. I believe things happen for a reason, like there is some unforeseen force governing all of the madness that is going on, and there are directions hidden in there somewhere, you just have to be paying attention in order to see them.
Currently, I am sitting at my desk at work after hours. Hopefully I can write enough posts so that if my coworkers ever stumble across this blog after I actually attach my name to it and put it out in the world, it would take them days to get to this post. Because in this post, I am going to say that my hatred for my job and for the industry that I work is one of the main things that is propelling me to follow my heart and try to pursue a career doing what I love: creating.
I studied art in college because it made me happy. It was that simple. Job prospects? Sure, I had ideas, but nothing solid. After college I was a bartender. And I loved it. And, I was very good at it. Again, it made me happy. Then I was a manager. Not happy. Long hours. Weight gain. Too much drinking.
Too much stress. So I got my current job from a friend. An office job, where I sit in front of a computer 8 hours a day. I spend 30 minutes driving to work and 30 minutes driving home. When I get home, I am so miserable that I sometimes dive head first in a bottle of wine. After discovering the work and words of other full time artists, I came to the horrifying realization that this is not living.
I love to travel. I love to sleep in. I love to make things. I love music. I love sweatpants and freedom and doing as I please. I feel so grateful every day for the life that I have, but this job is sucking the life out of me. It is a sick world of people obsessed with numbers, commissions, and quotas. It’s all they care about. It’s their life. And that’s fine; the world needs people like them. The world would not function without people like them. But I am also realizing that the world would not function without people like me.
Not everyone can be brave and bold enough to say, “I can be my own boss and make a living using the gift I was given, a gift that not everyone has and a gift that many people would give anything to have: the gift of creativity.”
It is time to make a change. I have had random people tell me that I made their day because I was so friendly in the checkout line, or because I performed some random act of kindness. I want to be like this all the time. Every day when I was into the doors of my office, this person all but disappears. I send nasty emails and snap at my coworkers, all because I am so unhappy with what I am spending the majority of my time doing. We all deserve to be happy, every single one of us. So why do most of us spend the majority of our time doing things that make us less than happy? It makes no sense.
It is an old-fashioned notion (in my opinion) that once college is over, you will get a job that you hate and life will start to suck. “It’s called growing up.” Sure, maybe it was like that when our parents were growing up and I’m sure it’s like that for a lot of people now. But the people who believe in it are the people who will never try to change it and do what they love, simply because they have been bred to think that it’s not possible. Hating your job is normal. Hating 9 hours of your day and spending your time counting down the hours until it’s over and the days until the week is over is not living.
I want to live every day. I don’t want to commute to Plain City, Ohio. I want to commute from my bed to my coffee maker to my studio. This is the first page of my journey towards that. I am excited and nervous for all of the triumphs and failures that may lie ahead. What I mostly want to do is inspire people. I want to make other people happy, I want to share the light that I have with them. This is the beginning. Every day from here on out will be part of the journey. My ultimate goal is to be done with my job on June 1, 2012. Now all I have to do is make it happen and get there.